Uwe Boll: Please crawl under a rock

I intentionally missed Bloodrayne when it was released theatrically--almost entirely because of Uwe's involvement. Now, thanks to Netflix, I've wasted 94 minutes of my life that I can never get back.

I can't believe that with the cast at hand--Sir Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Kristanna Loken, Michael Pare, Michelle Rodriguez, and more--that Uwe couldn't coax at least two matching lines of dialog uttered one after another. The special effects aren't worthy of a ABC Movie of the Week, the massive number of sharp swords and such are obvious props, and most of the underlying plot is revealed through non-cohesive, confusing flashbacks.

I'm a big fan of the Bloodrayne video games (1 and 2)--the games are fun to play, the plot and story interesting, and the heroine (Rayne) is sassy, engaging, and entertaining to watch and listen to. This movie incorporated none of the elements that made the game popular. With Uwe at the helm, it's no wonder.

Here's a partial list of properties trashed, or about to be trashed, by Uwe on the big screen:

• Far Cry
• Postal
• Seed
• In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
• BloodRayne
• Alone in the Dark
• House of the Dead

Let's hope he heeds my request before doing some real damage (he was rumored to head up X-Men III at one point...)